Jackie: Damn fridge is full of food

My two favorite comestibles on earth, in recent weeks, have been Grape Nuts and champagne. OK, cheap (relatively) California pseudo-champagne, but still. Wait, that sounds like I dump champagne on my Grape Nuts instead of milk, which is not what I meant at all...I was actually referring to entirely separate meals.

And why, one might ask, am I running off at the mouth about Grape Nuts and fake champagne? Well...I am about a week away from thinking I'm HUNGRY, and it's starting to scare me.

Hang on, I need a glass of champagne.

OK that's better.

I feel like I need to say something rather important: I haven't had the nerve to tell my really close friends or my family (some of whom are Chinese) that I'm about to embark upon a hunger strike on behalf of people I have never heard of before, meaning all the behind-the-scenes captives of North Korea. People I'm close to will say I'm being overly dramatic, I'm fairly sure. That's what people tell those who are earnestly INTO some kind of a cause. That they are overdoing it. I just haven't wanted to hear the scolding, or to have to defend myself. I mean, this month of under-eating is going to be obnoxious; I don't need to hear a bunch of people who NEVER go off the deep end for their causes scolding me and making me lose my resolve. Hey, whatever happened to the '70s, when we were totally ok with getting arrested for our causes? And now it's all, Ooooh Jackie, that's just CRAZY, you mean to NOT EAT VERY MUCH for 30 days? Yeah, that sounds pretty scary and intense, all right. Man, I hate the part where I have to say to my mom, "Oh, sorry, can't meet you for lunch, gotta starve...." EEEEEK!

And one other thing. I think we have been over estimating our food count. 1/4 cup of dry quinoa is 175 calories, which I think will be about 3/4 of a cup cooked. Then, 1/2 cup of beans is about 80 calories, for a running total of 255 calories and 1.25 cups of food. Then we get some corn and maybe some boiled cabbage. Oh dear. I think we will actually be getting about 350 calories a day if we mean to approximate the well-fed N. Korean inmates' food intake. Ack! Scurvy, here I come! I think I may add lemon juice to my water so I don't bleed from the gums, for Pete's sake. That is NOT a very authentic experience, but then, my goal is to suffer for thirty days, not forever. I don't want to get any permanent damage, like all those Korean people are getting.

I am going for a routine blood panel tomorrow morning. I have already emailed Dr. Ruby Chan (thank the goddess my doctor is Asian and MIGHT understand why I'm doing this) to let her know of my intentions regarding this whole hunger strike. I guess if my test results indicate that I should NOT be doing this, she'll tell me. But I can't imagine that anyone will tell me that, assuming I stick to my prescriptions and a few ordinary vitamins. Hey, I'm doing this to suffer temporarily, not permanently. Right, Dr. Chan?

Ah well, we Irish are famous for hunger strikes, right? Anybody remember Bernadette Devlin?

Man, I have SO much food to eat this week before the "fast" begins....