Jackie: Yardsale Day

There doesn't seem to be any news about Lee and Ling today. I hope that means they are in quiet negotiations...

It was 100 degrees today here in Sacramento, so I guess it could have been worse, but not by much. In some ways it was a pleasant day. The heat was only miserable for the last couple hours; before that the yard was comparatively cool and it was fun talking amongst the five of us trying to sell stuff. As usual the customers only wanted the crap instead of the good stuff; people will buy ANYthing at a yard sale, any garbage at all, provided that it costs less than a dollar. It doesn't matter how good the good things are; if they cost ten bucks, they aren't a good deal!

Oh well. At least in part I suspect that my annoyance was due to the fact that I wasn't full. It's true that I ate something without even noticing it. Bizarre. Tony, who is diabetic and shouldn't have been eating the damn things at all, was passing out Chips Ahoy, which I hate! My hand went out and took two. In the middle of the second one I realized that I was eating! I threw out that second half and spent an hour beating myself up. Very strange, that eating without noticing. I am going to pay particular attention to my creepy relationship with food over the next 28 days.

I am glad I read several journals of people going on long-term water fasts before this started. I am seeing myself doing and feeling what all the others felt. Body feels achy more than hungry, as if it's trying to trick me into eating. Three days of that will be followed with a couple days of halitosis (poor students!) and tiredness, and after that I expect to feel the beginnings of mental acuity and general physical energy. My awareness will gradually become heightened as I experience being me without the automatic responses to food. This isn't just about food; it's about automatic responses to many aspects of everyday life without actually deliberately making choices.

I have only been hungry for periods of about five minutes, maybe three times so far in 48 hours. I pour tea or water in and my stomach shuts up. I read a long time ago that we often eat when in fact we are thirsty. Funny that we respond to stimuli without stopping to wonder what particular stimuli we are reacting TO.

Oh this is all pretty intellectual. So many people on this earth eat this way on a regular basis, and they aren't a bit interested in their habitual responses to things like Chips Ahoy or actual good food. They are just trying to survive, not enjoy. I would like to be in their heads for one minute though and experience their reaction to people like me and our odd relationships with things we think we need.

Like air conditioning!!!